Zoe: In place of our usual review tonight, Scotty will take this opportunity to talk about the most important part of Thor. The mind bending hotness that is Chris Hemsworth.
Scotty: I don’t know if it can be put into words...
You can’t see it, but she’s drooling.
Am not...
Most half-hearted rebuttal ever.
Sigh . . . Let me put it like this. Every single straight/bi woman or gay/bi man should see this movie. Don’t worry about the plot, the action, the cinematography, Natalie Portman, or the unpronounceable Swedish words. Just focus on the pretty, pretty, pretty, hot, hot, hot, cute, cute, cute, pretty hot, cute, cute, hot, pretty man.
I almost choked on my cracker watching her type that. She’s not far off though. Even if he rocking a creepy flesh-colored beard.
I totally dug the beard. It made his smiles adorable. The warm fuzzy feeling is going to last for months. His face should be put on the background of cuteoverload.com.
Do you think you can wait a year, or at least until you get some adorable Ryan Reynolds in Green Lantern?
Ryan Renolds may not cure this. But maybe, Alexander Skarsgård will when True Blood’s next season starts up.
You and your Scandinavian blondes....
Hemsworth is Austrailian.
Same difference.
True, they both have sexy accents. (A bit of trivia. The actor who plays Professor Erick Selvig is portrayed by Stellan Skarsgård who is Alexander Skargård’s father. He also has a cool accent.)
…..So anyway, before we get started, I would just like to point out the incredibly targeted marketing that was showed to us in the trailers before the movie started. We saw previews for Captain America, Super 8, Green Lantern, X-Men First Class and Cowboys and Aliens. Our AMC really knows who’s going to see Thor. Also, scrawny CGI’d Chris Evans makes me giggle every time I see it.
He’s also not pretty and doesn’t have dazzling blue eyes....
Also, stay until the end. This is a Marvel movie after all and we need our obligatory Sam Jackson Avengers tie-in
So, first thoughts on Thor. And you can’t talk about how pretty Thor was. Go.
OMG, The Avengers are going to have both Robert Downey Jr. and Chris Hemsworth in it!
Really?
*Gurgle*
Oh dear. That’s the Homer Simpson lusting after a donut noise, just in case you were wondering.
*Gurgle*
Ok, need to snap her out of this.............NATALIE PORTMAN!
God Dammit I hate her... I’m so tired of seeing her in films. Plus she doesn’t deserve the gorgeous-
Stop it.
OK, synopsis. Thor is a film directed by Kenneth Branagh (that guy in almost every Shakespeare movie since the 90’s) that tells the story of the god/alien (I’m still not sure.) of thunder. He’s a brash and impulsive person-
Because aliengodmanthing is too long to type each time.
-who is about to be sort of crowned King of Asgard by his father Odin.
This part wasn’t really all that clear since Odin (Anthony Hopkins) was totally still alive and not going anywhere, and I’m not sure if Thor is ever really supposed to become king and.........yeah.
The coronation thingy (It featured ridiculously great hats; kind of like the Royal Wedding!) is interrupted by a couple of frost giants. Don’t ask. It makes more sense if you see the film.
Sort of.
Thor decides, against his father’s orders, to venture into the Frost Giant realm which I cannot pronounce/spell and kick-ass/take names. After nearly starting a war, Odin decides to teach his son a lesson and banishes him to Earth where he is promptly hit by a car being driven by Natalie Portman pretending to be an astrophysicist. Meanwhile, Thor’s brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston) is having daddy issues (I think).
Again, not that clear exactly what his issue is, he kind of alternates between Daddy didn’t love me and I want to take over the world because I’m evil.
Yeah, so he schemes and stuff. Just see the movie...
Things blow up and stuff. Do not go see Thor for the story because as soon as you start really looking at it, it’s pretty basic and uninspiring, even a bit confusing. You will also not be able to pronounce anything after you have left the theater.
Maybe if you know Norse Mythology and/or read comic books.
I don’t know, I read the free Thor catch up comic and all it really did was help me catch one in-joke and recognize characters.
Norse mythology, even without Marvelness, is pretty messed up. Did you know that Loki gave birth to an eight-legged horse?
…........what.........
Look it up on Wikipedia.
I just don’t know what to say to that.
Puts the movie into perspective huh?
I’m going to grab some chocolate to forget about that. You literally derailed my thought process with that.
Ok, back on the rainbow bridge.
The movie is definitely able to rise above its source material in one main aspect: humor. Thor is a god of thunder with a giant hammer whose name no one can pronounce, wears a funny helmet and in the comic speaks in thees and thous. This could have very easily have turned into something cringe-worthy to watch. But luckily, Thor ditches the helmet about five minutes in and the movie actually pokes fun at itself quite a bit. It’s like the movie’s saying, “yeah we know it’s silly and no one can pronounce Mjolnir (the name of his hammer). This movie is kind of ridiculous and we’re ok with it.”
It’s kind of the opposite of Iron Man. In that film the main character doesn’t take himself seriously, but the movie does. In Thor the main character takes himself very seriously, but the movie doesn’t.
It knows it isn’t the Dark Knight, and it doesn’t try to be. It’s a fun movie which makes it easier to ignore some of the more glaring plot confusions in the name of enjoying the ride.
I hated Natalie Portman though. I know, superhero films are supposed to always have a love interest, but her character felt a bit forced, (I mean, an astrophysicist? I know astrophysicists her age. She should not be beyond a postdoc) especially since they fall in love in less than two days. Actually, a lot happens in two days. Supposedly, the titular character learns humility and goes through great personal growth. Which is ok, until you realize this movie takes place over a span of 3 days.
It’s like when you realize the whole of Romeo and Juliet happened in a week?
Yes, couldn’t they put a montage in there somewhere? However, if you ignore that, the plot is ok. Well, except for Loki. Loki, in my opinion, was not a good villain. He was too sympathetic. It’s ok when a villain has dimension to him. But, in the end, a villain needs to be villainous. Loki, kind of just seemed to be a kid who wanted to make his daddy proud.
He wasn’t even that terribly mischievous.
Unless it was all an act. Then this movie was deeper than we thought it was. Still, I wanted to hug Loki.
I didn’t. His armor made him look like a bug.
But, again, they minimized the helmets enough that I could ignore it. His acting job was just that great. Actually everyone’s acting was really good.
Kenneth Branaugh can do many things. He can get terrific performances out of his actors, but the man cannot direct a fight scene to save his life. Every time we were treated to a big show stopping action number, it looked like someone fed the cameraman some speed and told the editor to cut five seconds off each shot. So, not only were we treated to some very unnecessary shaky cam but there was nothing for me to focus on. It all just turned into a giant wobbly looking mess.
I saw no shaky cam. And the action scenes were fine, in my opinion. However, there was very little of it for a comic book movie.
It was moving all over the place. I like to be able to appreciate fight choreography but I guess since each time Thor was pretty much fighting CGI monsters there might not have been enough of that to focus on. The first fight on the frost planet was also way too dark, I had trouble making out the action. Just imagine if you were seeing this in 3-D, you wouldn’t be able to see anything!
I still thought it was fine. Maybe because I’m used to my contacts going out of focus, but still.
So in conclusion, did you know Chris Hemsworth is married?
What?
And he has a four year old kid.
Damn it.
You still have Alexander Skarsgård.
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