"Everbody Dies": House M.D. Comes to a Close

Eight years ago, when I was in the middle of high school and generally too busy proto-texting through AIM to watch much television, my father suggested that I join the family to watch a new show that was debuting on the Fox network.  Even then I was generally in the habit of taking my father’s advice, but I wasn’t especially impressed by his description of a medical procedural with an unlikeable protagonist based on the literary detective Sherlock Holmes (this was 2004, before I had read any Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Robert Downey Jr. was still recovering from his stint on “Ally McBeal”).  However, after watching House, M.D.’s pilot, “Everybody Lies,” little doubt remained for me, and eight years later, I sat down with my parents to watch the show’s conclusion, “Everybody Dies.”

God Bless The USA Network

And for good measure a group of really really good looking people

Last week USA premiered its newest original show Common Law, featuring two detectives so dysfunctional they have to be put in couples’ counseling so that they can learn to work together.  The pilot was very enjoyable and a great addition to the network that proclaims “Characters Welcome.”  It also got me thinking about this supposedly second tier cable network and how apart they are set from every other channel on television.

Screenfix: Assemble!

. . . And there came a movie, a movie unlike any other, a movie that was so over hyped that no single reviewer could critique it alone.  After four years, in the waiting The Avengers (aka Avengers Assemble internationally) has hit theaters to critical praise and record setting financial success.  Of course the ScreenFix crew was there opening weekend to see the film and give our impressions.  ScreenFix Assemble!

Choke: A Review of a Tuesday Night After-School Special

Choke: A review of  aTuesday night After-School Special

By: Kyle Lawson

I have not been sure what to make of Glee this season. I have never really enjoyed the show, and my hostility has only grown stronger as I watch them ruin my favorite songs. Said anger abates when they wow me. I am looking at you Naya Rivera, if they have not already cast Johanna Mason for Catching Fire I hope they call you. The current season has regrettably taken a darker turn. It has become the After School Specials for a new generation, and one that does not always have the best message. I suggest you read the review written by Zoe Wintler-Cox and Scotty Viera to see how Glee passes over the legitimate problems of Quinn.

Today I am focusing on the latest episode Choke. One of the darkest and saddest episodes since the death of Jean Sylvester. What could and should have been an episode dedicated to domestic abuse, recognizing the signs, providing support, and offering ways to escape had to share the spotlight with Rachel and Kurt in their audition for NYADA.

The storyline with Coach Beiste and her dealing with an abusive husband, was like every other character discovered shocking. The show has always presented Beiste as this impressively sized but softhearted woman who would never hurt a fly. Her husband the loveable goofball, is behind closed doors a mean spirited drunk. A reality that many victims of domestic violence and their families can attest to, in the real world villains don’t wear tracksuits. It was heart breaking and the moment I realized that I was attached to a character on this show.

To watch Beiste slowly break down, first claiming she had been injured while boxing. Something that my companion pointed out was obviously a lead in, but that I had hopes would not be. Watching her unable to handle the ladies performing the “Cell Block Tango”, and becoming an emotional wreck and unable to escape was just short of being too much. This is why I hate this episode for including that utterly pointless filth of a final audition.

Watching Kurt perform “Music of the Night” and than miraculously being fully prepared to perform “Not the Boy Next Door” was the eye rolling over-the-top rubbish on which this show thrives. Considering the alternate storyline it was a miss, but otherwise an excellent performance. Thank the Blessed Flippn’ Virgin he didn’t perform Phantom. If he had, I really wanted Whoppi to go down to the stage and slap him. That I feel that strongly is an indication that Glee has forced me to except more emotion and drama from Kurt’s performances. A personal touch and loner streak that he has always shown through the past three seasons came to ahead in that performance.

I suppose I should mention Rachel, the wannabe diva who choked during her performance of “Rain on My Parade.” I wish I could feel bad for her, I wish I could feel some modicum of satisfaction at watching her failure. Maybe I am getting jaded, but I felt nothing but annoyance and a desire for the episode to end. Especially since I am willing to make a bet she gets in anyway after Whoopi sees her perform somewhere else. In short, I just don’t care.

Besides Coach Bieste there was one more storyline, while it had potential, that felt as if the writers forced it out like bad curry. Puck’s “I may not be able to graduate” dilemma. A great idea for a three episode story arc, but not one episode. His dad suddenly reappearing to borrow money, his realization of wanting to be a better father to his daughter, a desire he has expressed numerous times. This episode could have been the beginning of Puck maturing, of him stepping away permanently from his bully past. It falls flat, it feels ridiculous, and only cements why I hate this show. For all the enjoyment I get out of those more-common-than-I will-admit moments, I hate it. It makes my insides crawl and I want to pull my eardrums out through my eyes. Elements are thrown together to pull the heart strings, but in the end nothing changes, I expect better.

More time is spent on watching Rachel fall apart, than on Coach Biests trying to find the courage to go forward, or Puck staring down the barrel of a gun. In the end, the show returns to the same place. There is no happy ending for any of them, if it does not include Rachel being on Broadway. She is the diva of the show and a poor one at that. Shame on you writers, for shame.

All that said, I adored Whoopi Goldberg as Carmen Tibideaux. She had the sense of oppressive superiority and fear inspiring devotion that a true diva should bring, while never turning into a Whitney Houston, God rest her soul. Her lines could have been cruel or condescending, but she turned each one into a joke thick dry humor. Her praise of Kurt and reminding him how far he still needs to go was beautiful. While her rejection of Rachel was a kind, but much needed reality slap. Ms. Goldberg gave her character life, far more than any other guest star, there was behind every sentence a lifetime of experience. It is because of her that I will return next week, no matter how begrudgingly. 

Kindle Fire Review

Following last week’s slightly screenbreaking review of music, it feels right to continue the trend and review a “screen.” I recently purchased Amazon’s Kindle Fire. In trying to decide if I should purchase the tablet, I found a ton of cruelly unfair or obviously biased reviews. As a Screenfix writer, I’m not one to let that stand. I’ll try to answer a few of the questions that I asked when I was looking to buy.

Screenfix does not recommend holding your Kindle Fire like this EVER

Deciphering Eve 6's Return

Though it’s admittedly a stretch of our clever moniker, we here at ScreenFix do keep our eyes—or more appropriately our ears—on the world of music as well as film, television, and interactive entertainment.  This week, we’d like to bring your attention to the resurgence of an alternative rock band that is releasing their new album, “Speak in Code,” next Tuesday, April 24^th: Eve 6.

Radio Musings

I never used to listen to the radio. Not for any grand moral convictions about the state of radio or the music industry at large, I have just always managed to live in places with horrible reception. It’s a bit hard to get pumped up to clean some dishes to static.

Well now I am the proud owner of a 90 min commute home (on a good day) and car with a radio, we need to have a talk. I like you radio, I really do, you entertain me and have been the cause of quite a few impromptu dance parties in the car. Without you radio, I would have listened to the same iPod songs over and over again and would most likely have been murdered by my coworker and car co-captain, Scotty. Despite how this sounds, this is not going to be a giant rant about everything that is wrong with radio, more general observations of five things the radio has exposed me to.

Future Screens

When we think about life in the future and what it might be like, one of the first things we always bring up is how we will communicate, consume media, and generally interact with digital information. Whether it is a 3D holo-shark jumping out to scare Marty McFly or Neo jacking into the Matrix, the ultimate evolution of our display technology is frequently the starting point for a future world’s technological motif. In this past week we heard from Google about their secret Google[x] Glass Project and LG started to hype their paper-thin e-ink display. This got me thinking about how we might consume media in the future. Here is my list of six pieces of screen-tech that ScreenFix would like to see made real.

The Art of Thrilling Conclusions: Bioware's Mass Effect 3

In 2007, the first Mass Effect game was released.  It was published by the relatively unknown Microsoft Game Studios, and was exclusive to the Xbox 360 console.  Fast forward to 2012: amidst a massive amount of hype across social networks and YouTube, Mass Effect 3 was released (on PC, Xbox 360, and PS3) and concluded the trilogy that can very fairly be called “epic.”  As promised, Bioware has included an official female Shepard protoganist, and ultimately decided on a redhead (see my post from last summer, Mass Effect: Hair Salon).  As the only member of the ScreenFix staff who shared Bioware’s trailers on his Facebook with comments like “AHHHHHH!”, the responsibility falls to me to review the conclusion of the trilogy.  If you’re only here to find out if you should play Mass Effect 3, or if it’s worth the money, let me save you reading the rest of this admittedly lengthy review.  The answer is yes.  Go buy it and play it.  You will not regret the purchase.  For everyone else, here’s a breakdown of the game’s qualities.

The Summer Movie Season Is Upon Us

Well, we have officially sprung forward and as the days get longer and warmer, we here at ScreenFix are turning our attention to what really is important this time of year – the summer movie season.  Without further preamble, here are the films I am most looking forward to this summer.

2012 Summer Movie Fantasy League

If Ryan is writing his summer movie preview that means it is also time for the NSFW Podcast's Summer Movie Draft. In case you don't remember the draft from last year here are the basics. NSFW is a podcast on Leo Laporte's This Week in Tech netcast network (TWiT.TV). Every summer (and sometimes the winter) NSFW runs a fantasy football style game with movies. The podcast's host bid on movies for their team. Followers of the show can play along. You get 100 points to spend on movies at the rates set by the host's bidding.

Here is how I picked the ScreenFix movie team. I looked over the list of films and took note of the points it cost to buy each film. This ranged from 9 points to buy G.I. Joe 3 to 60 points for The Dark Knight Rises. I then loaded up the Hollywood Stock Exchange (HSX.com) since people on the site basically do this year round. I compared the estimated earnings for all the films to their point value and picked out the movies with the highest points per dollar earned ratio. Admittedly I did tend to skew toward movies I personally was excited but I ended up with a team that HSX.com estimates will make over a thousand million dollars. I don't know if that will be enough to win, but I'll check back in here through the season and let you know how its going. If you're interested in following along I'll include some links below.

The NSFW Episode 2012 Draft Episode

The Draft Spreadsheet - Bookmark this to follow the progress of the draft

NSFW Draft Image created by Kid Lion

This past weekend I had the pleasure of going to see John Carter. To be quite honest I did not really know what to expect from the film. I was only tangentially aware of the John Carter franchise but it is difficult to be a fan of science fiction literature and not have at least heard the name in passing. I sat down with my oversized soda in a theater filled with more ten year-olds than I had expected, and after double checking that I hadn’t stumbled into a Lorax theater by accident, I prepared myself for whatever was going to happen on screen in front of me.

Star Wars: The Old Republic: The Group Review

If you deserve your nerd card, or have been awake at all for the past few months, you’ve probably heard of the latest cooperation between RPG giant Bioware and the Star Wars license holder, LucasArts. Star Wars: The Old Republic is far from the first Star Wars game, and isn’t the first (or even the second) Star Wars massively-multiplayer game, but it does break new ground as the first MMO title to divorce itself from the lore of the films, set firmly in the “Old Republic” era of Star Wars history (home of the Knights of the Old Republic games). Players choose to side either with the Galactic Republic or the Sith Empire, roughly (though not neatly) analogous to the Rebellion and Empire from the films, and then select one of four classes. In theory, adventure ensues.

A Review in Two: Awake

Awake is a new midseason offering from NBC that tells the story of Detective Michael Britten, a man who, after a terrible accident, finds himself drifting back and forth between two different realities.  In one world, a car crash has killed his wife and in another the same crash kills his son.  In both worlds, he loses a loved one and in both he must try to help a loved one to grieve.  The change between realities occurs when he tries to go to sleep so Michael dons a green bracelet to let him know he is in one world and a red for the other.  I thought the pilot showed a lot of promise, but in the interest of fair journalism I decided to correspond with a version of myself from another reality that did not like the show.  He will take on the moniker of Red Ryan and I will go by Green Ryan.

Abraham Lincoln: Historical Hero or Vampire Slayer?

If you aren’t familiar with Seth Grahame-Smith, you shouldn’t be concerned that you’ve missed the next big thing in academic literature. You should, however, remedy the situation. Grahame-Smith is the author of both Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Now, having been force-fed the original Pride and Prejudice in high school, I could never bring myself to recommend it, even with the addition of zombies. His second book, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, is a different story completely.

Tinker Taylor Gary Oldman

I once tried to read a Le Carré novel when I was still in middle school and am pretty sure I didn’t make it through the first two chapters before thinking “WTF is going on? This book is confusing and boring. I’m going to read Dune instead.” So it was with trepidation that I saw Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. The plot seems basic enough. It is the 1970’s, the heart of the Cold War, and there is a mole in British Intelligence. The only person who can sniff him out is retired intelligence officer, George Smiley (Gary Oldman).However, this is no Tom Clancy movie; this is a John Le Carré film, meaning nothing is explained or straight forward. For example, what exactly does MI:6 stand for? Is there MI:1 through 5?

The Voice, or American Idol for Cool People

The popular slang database urbandictionary.com aptly defines “guilty pleasure” as “something that you shouldn’t like, but like anyway,” which is elegant in its simplicity. It is also suitable to describe my relationship with the popular singing competition show American Idol, which is currently a few weeks into its eleventh season. I have experimented with a few other similar shows, including NBC’s America’s Got Talent and the relatively new Sing-Off, which limits itself to a cappella performances, but was unimpressed. I never really thought I would find another singing show, but then NBC hit me one more time, premiering The Voice back in April of 2011 (not accidentally riding the coattails of the Idol finale).

Those acquainted with the show can skip this paragraph, but for the uninitiated, The Voice is a singing competition that distinguishes itself from more traditional programs like Idol or Talent in two important ways. The first is its use of blind auditions, in which the judges hear auditions with their backs turned, and must commit to voting for a particular singer before they are permitted to turn their chairs around and see them. The second distinction lies in the talent base, which for other shows is drawn from massive open auditions, but for The Voice is actually recruited from individuals who already have successful small-time, low-exposure music careers (singing teachers, wedding singers, etc). This makes for a higher-caliber competition from day one, which is a positive for everyone who thinks the painfully awful auditions in the early phases of American Idol are precisely that - painful.

ScreenFix Review: The Grey

Let me start off by saying that I am not a fan of the winter formula that has started off by taking Liam Neeson and putting him in a movie (Taken, Unknown) in which he plays a stoic badass.  It’s not that Liam Neeson doesn’t play tough guy well- he totally does- it’s just that I feel like he is such a powerful actor that his talents could be better put to work in more dynamic roles.  That said, I loved “The Grey.”  The plot could not be simpler.   Neeson plays Ottway, the man tasked with protecting the workers at an Alaskan drilling station.  On his trip home, the plane crashes in the middle of the Alaskan wilderness and Neeson must lead his fellow survivors to safety.  This film actually fits into a genre that I haven’t seen done well in a while; namely the monster movies from the 90s.  In these movies the characters are slowly picked off one by one until the dramatic conclusion when the last one or two characters figure out the necessary information to defeat whatever is killing them.

The big difference in this movie is that rather then some shadow in the forests hunting our survivors, we have a pack of poorly CGI-ed wolves (one of my few complaints).  Luckily Neeson’s Ottway is very familiar with the wolves of the area and serves as a pocket encyclopedia to the rest of the survivors, telling them what the wolves are doing and thinking.  This comes off as less “I know wolves” and a lot more “wolf-whisperer,” but it doesn’t detract from the story much and it allows many parallels to be drawn between the pack of wolves hunting the survivors and the survivors themselves.  The wolves are obviously stronger, faster, and better suited for the terrain then seven regular Joes, but the wolves only ever seem to attack the group when they are doing something wrong, such as fighting amongst themselves or letting one of their own fall behind the group.  It’s almost as if the wolves are trying to teach them a lesson about teamwork.

Changing Markets

On Wednesday, January 18th, Google, Wikipedia, and a number of other websites “went black” to stand in protest against the Stop Online Piracy Act and the Protect Intellectual Property Act. On the following day, the FBI moved in an international effort to bring down the file locker website Megaupload on charges of racketeering, “conspiracy to commit copyright infringement,” criminal copyright infringement and money laundering. Once more these actions have got me thinking about copyright and piracy. More specifically it got me thinking about the actions that organizations like the Motion Picture Associate of America (MPAA) and the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) have taken to try to protect themselves against piracy.

Alcatraz: The Latest Fiction from The Rock

Earlier this week, Fox premiered its new winter series, Alcatraz, adding another entry to the canon of lore surrounding the decommissioned San Francisco prison. Despite a lukewarm score of 63 on media critic amalgam site metacritic.com, I felt that Alcatraz's two hour premiere, consisting of two distinct episodes, made a decent showing of itself.

If you missed the half-hearted publicity campaign and/or are too busy for Wikipedia or IMDB, Alcatraz explores a supernatural cause of the island prison's shutdown, complete with mysterious disappearances and government coverup. The show's premise is that 302 prisoners (and, presumably, guards) vanished from the island one evening in 1960 (or possibly 1963- the characters and subtitles seem to disagree on this point), leaving two patrolmen from the mainland to discover the facility entirely vacant. Fast-forward to the present day, when the missing prisoners have begun to resurface, committing their crimes in the modern world.

Five Things You Should Watch Because I Say So

January sucks. It’s a fact of life and everyone knows it. If you were born or married in January, I’m sorry but it’s true and you should have known better. The weather sucks, the movies suck, and you have to listen to people you don’t care about talk about art movies you haven’t seen because they look really depressing. So, to ease the pain, here are five things that are great and will help tide you over until you can go outside again without putting on four layers. Also, all but one of these are on Netflix instant view, which will make them all easier to watch if you have it.

Ryan’s Favorite List from 2011

I was going to sit down and make a “best of” list for the year, but it struck me as so cliché that I couldn’t go through with it. However, being the sentimental type, I wanted to at least write something about what pop culture has brought me this year. What I decided on was to create a list of the best things I have experienced this year, not necessarily what was released this year. This is not THE year in review; it is MY year in review.