It’s that time of year again folks, the magical day that children spend all year waiting for: the day the winter Doctor Who special airs. To celebrate, each member of our writing staff is contributing their favorite movie featuring the other important event of Doctor Who Day- a minor holiday called Christmas. Enjoy.
A Muppet Christmas Carol (Ryan)
What happens when you mix the beloved Dickens classic about the true meaning of Christmas with a bunch of singing felt puppets? It may sound like your 11th grade English Teacher’s “progressive teaching style,” but it is in fact one of, if not the, best Muppet movie of the 90’s. The 90’s were a magical time when the Muppets started redoing classic pieces of literature with their own Muppet-y twist, starting with A Christmas Carol. There are so many reasons to love this movie. Gonzo as Charles Dickens, the omniscient story-teller, Kermit as Bob Crachet, and of course Michael Caine playing the original Scrooge. The movie is filled to bursting with memorable songs, hilarious jokes, and a surprisingly faithful adaptation of Dickens’s most well known work. With the Muppets well on their way back to the top, why not grab the entire family and force them to sit down and watch the Muppets for the second holiday in a row. Trust me, they’ll thank you when it’s over.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Brian)
When you want wisdom dispensed with equal parts zany premise, made-up words, and sometimes-strained end-rhyme, there is no better source than the esteemed Dr. Seuss. To champion the cause of environmental conservation, you have the Lorax (he speaks for the trees). For graduation gifts, a copy of “Oh the Places You’ll Go” is expected, generally with a three-copy minimum. And at Christmas time, you complain about the interruption of regular television, and find yourself watching the animated classic from the 60s, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, sometimes in various states of inebriation. Seuss manages to convey the meaning of Christmas without any specific religious message or inherent Santa Claus mythology, and we somehow get a happy ending out of lies, thievery, cruelty, bitterness, and jealousy. Maybe the reason I enjoy How the Grinch Stole Christmas so much is that the Grinch actually spends the vast majority of the feature ruining Christmas, delighting my inner-Scrooge. Roast beast is, after all, a feast I can’t stand in the least, either. And let’s not forget my favorite Christmas carol, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” which is also excellent for teaching simile and metaphor, and also does nicely for particularly unpleasant breakups. With several airings on most major networks and a few cable channels, such as ABC Family, during the holiday season, it’s not hard to find and definitely worth catching to assuage your Christmas stress.
Home Alone (Amanda)
What says Christmas more than the story of a busy family forgetting to pack their 8 year old son for the holiday vacation in France? Thus begins the story of Home Alone. Macaulay Culkin stars as Kevin, who thinks being forgotten is the perfect Christmas gift. Shortly after the beginning of his personal party, he discovers that his “empty” home has become the target for two of the most inept thieves ever seen who call themselves the “Wet Bandits.” Unfortunately for the thieves, Kevin is, perhaps, the most industrious and creative child ever left alone to defend his home. What isn’t to love about the series of tricks and traps Kevin plots for the unsuspecting criminals? (except for the mess he left for his parents to clean up but it serves them right for forgetting him.) Home Alone is packed with comedy the whole family can enjoy and for other children of the 90’s it’s a trip down memory lane!
And if you enjoyed the first one, try the second movie Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. This time, Kevin’s family forgets him at Christmas for a second year, except this time he’s on his own in New York City.
Elf (Zoe)
I will probably watch this one at least three more times before Sunday while I consolidate and wrap my presents. It just puts a smile on my face every time I watch it; hell, I’m smiling right now just thinking about it. Elf is about Buddy, a baby human who stows away in Santa’s toy bag and ends up back at the North Pole. Raised by elves, he grows up to be Will Ferrell and the single most cheerful person I have ever seen on my TV. After discovering that he was adopted, Buddy goes on a quest to find his biological father in New York City, who happens to be on the naughty list. It sounds really silly when you type it out like that. However, the plot really isn’t the important part here. The reason this movie works is almost exclusively Will Ferrell. It’s as if he took that feeling you got when you were a kid setting out the milk and cookies for Santa (and carrots for the Reindeer of course) on Christmas Eve with the lights dimmed and the tree glowing softly, when everything is just about family and the Christmas spirit, not all the stuff you’re going to get when you wake up in five hours, and made a character out of that.
Relentlessly optimistic, excited and faithful in his own way, Buddy is pure Christmas spirit with none of the cynicism about Christmas that we gather as we age. Elf is hilarious to boot, with a terrific score and featuring a blond Zooey Deschanel (whose last name I spelled correctly on the first try, hoo-rah). Honorable mention- Hogfather (It’s on Netflix, look it up).
A Charlie Brown Christmas Special (Scotty)
There comes a time in one’s life where Christmas isn’t the same. The things that used to excite you as a child now seem dull. The presents, the decorations, and the pageantry all seem vapid and material. And it sucks big time.
Charlie Brown is going through this midlife crisis while still in primary school. All the aspects of Christmas from which his friends seem to be deriving joy don’t really interest him anymore. His attempt to recapture the wonder of Christmas fails miserably. Plus, there was almost a case of tree homicide. Chuck almost gives up on Christmas entirely until Linus schools him and pretty much everyone in earshot.
This is why A Charlie Brown Christmas Special is so great. It shows that the way to get over the adult melancholy of Christmas is not to revert to a childlike state where commercialism still amuses you, but to look beyond the superficial and find the deeper spiritual meaning behind the holiday. Christmas is not about Santa, elves, gifts or having a pretty Christmas tree. It’s about something small and almost insignificant having the promise of bringing great joy.
That and the soundtrack is awesome.
(Cue Linus and Lucy)
Die Hard (James)
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the Nakatomi skyscraper
Not a creature was stirring, except the guard with his newspaper.
John McClane stalked terrorists in air-ducts with care
In hopes to save his wife with her huge 80’s hair.
The children were home, all snuggled in bed
With an illegal immigrant watching over their heads.
Without any socks or even a shoe
And no outside help, what will McClane do?
When down on the plaza there arose such a clatter,
Al sprang from his post to see what was the matter.
A body from a window falls down on his car
He wondered where all of the other police are.
“Come Karl, and Tony, and Fritz, and Theo!
And you Uli and Heinrich, and Kristoff, and Franco!
To the top of the roof, I’ll fight you all!”
And defeated every one in a mighty brawl.
Down to the garage goes the evil man
Hanz thinks he’s finished his dastardly plan
When from out of the night comes Argyle quickly
and rams the terrorist with his limo.
Up sprang McClane, with a plan for attack
He pulled out a gun from the tape on his back
And I heard him exclaim as he shot down poor Hanz,
“Yippie-ki-yay, motherfucker!”
What do you think? Did we miss your favorite Christmas film? Let us know what you think in the comments, and from everyone here at ScreenFix, have a Merry Christmas!
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