Radio Musings

I never used to listen to the radio. Not for any grand moral convictions about the state of radio or the music industry at large, I have just always managed to live in places with horrible reception. It’s a bit hard to get pumped up to clean some dishes to static.

Well now I am the proud owner of a 90 min commute home (on a good day) and car with a radio, we need to have a talk. I like you radio, I really do, you entertain me and have been the cause of quite a few impromptu dance parties in the car. Without you radio, I would have listened to the same iPod songs over and over again and would most likely have been murdered by my coworker and car co-captain, Scotty. Despite how this sounds, this is not going to be a giant rant about everything that is wrong with radio, more general observations of five things the radio has exposed me to.


1. Near Constant Fertility and Hair Removal Ads

I would really like to know what market research went into this phenomena. This morning I counted a total of four “be a family-giving saint and donate your eggs” commercials, one IVF commercial and two laser lipo commercials. Are the only people who listen to the radio in the morning childless fat people?! This isn’t a fluke either, it happens every morning. If they made radio bingo, you could win in 15 minutes. You also can’t escape it, they’re on every channel. DONATE NOW OR WE WILL PLAY IT AGAIN!

2. What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You a Bumper Sticker

I didn’t always hate this song. Then they played it every single day, every time I was in the car. When I was driving to work, when I was driving home, when I went to the store, when I did anything. It was there, waiting. This song just doesn’t stand up to that much air play. At it’s heart, the song is this. There’s no emotion at the heart of this song. It didn’t come from anything. It’s just motivation for the sake getting people to dance and sing, not connect with. Every once in awhile, it works. You can groove to it, be all “yeah, screw that unnamed guy who probably never existed” but not every damn day.

3. Bieber
For someone who has become such an easy target, it has so far been really easy to pretend this boy’s music didn’t exist. I honestly couldn’t tell you how many singles he’s had. The closest I’ve ever come to listening to them was from watching Internet music reviews. So, I was pretty surprised to hear his new song all over the radio.

This might be because I thought it was Justin Timberlake at first. Honestly though, Timberlake is not a bad artist for Bieber to imitate, the man managed to successfully transition from this:  

 to this:  

and is probably considered one of the biggest male performers out there. Now that is not to say that “Boyfriend” is exactly the pinnacle of a mature artist, proving to the world that you’ve grown up doesn’t start with name checking Buzz Lightyear but it does showcase the fact that his voice has dropped so, one step at a time.

4. Mainstream Rock is Back...Sort Of
What happened to mainstream rock? It seemed like for the last couple of years top 40 stations flat out dropped anything remotely rock oriented from their rotation. It was club time, we all needed to go to the club, dance at the club, drink at the club, stand on furniture at the club and return home late after spending all night at the club. Rock music and dance beats just didn’t seem to mix all that well and there were exceptions but they were few and far between. Then Adele happened and while I can’t prove this at all but “Rolling in the Deep” sounded nothing like what was on the radio. Then there was Foster the People. Now there’s more Foster the People, Fun and Gotye

What can I say, I like a little commingling.

5. One Direction

I have been told they are a phenomenon, I cannot verify this this since until three and a half minutes ago, I had no idea what they even looked like but boy is that song catchy. I wouldn’t even go so far as to call it a big stupid pop song, because unlike the Kelly Clarkson song up in number two, “What Makes You Beautiful” is just so full of enthusiasm and joy that it’s just hard not to get sucked into it. Even the way they frolic around the video is endearing. I can even ignore the fact that they never actually say what makes this girl beautiful outside of her not knowing that she’s pretty. The song is a lie and I am not convinced any of them are over 15 but it’s just so darn cute.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have $6,000 to go earn.